the Intestinal Apocalypse Monthly Apparel Bazaar

Dos Amigos, Taq. South of MarketOMR: 8.08
850 Brannan
cross street: 7th/8th Sts.
ph. 415/575-1111
Map Visits: 2
Seeking a new, diverse clientele among high-heeled GiftCenter/JewelryMart shoppers and hiking boot-clad REI customers, Dos Amigos bolted the Union Square side of the Tenderloin in 2006 and resurfaced the following summer down here on Brannan. It’s a tiny shopfront, so commandeer one of the few inside tables or five outside ones if you don’t want your cylindri-food packaged to go. Breakfast and “super bowls” (tortilla-less burritos) available for you clever folks. Credit cards accepted. Closed Saturday evening and Sunday.

Will My Health Be Violated?

07/13/10Super Chile Verde Pork$7.358.08 Mustaches
Swish: sauciness (9); spiciness (9); temperature (9); burstage abatement (9); size (8); meat (8); rice (8)
Shrug: tortilla (7); beans (7); cheese (7); vegetables (7); ingredient mix (7)
Clang: no elements clanged
Intangibility bonus: 2 (of 2)

Early signs pointed toward total greatness here...but in the end we settled for partial greatness, or maybe just goodness — whatever 8.08 mustaches is. Dos Amigos’ habanero sauce was certainly a star player, furiously spicy yet delectably tasty as it nosed its way in practically everywhere within this slender, but still sizable slab. The ingredient mix, so rad at the outset, fell off the further down we drilled; once we discovered where all the jalapeños were hiding (deep in the hind end down there) and where a chunk of the mostly melted cheese grates clumped themselves together (over there, on that side), the mix’s fortunes and rating sunk a bit. We enjoyed the tender, properly salty pork and Spanish rice, but the refried beans just kind of blended in quietly. Minor drips and one tiny cleave prevented a perfect burstage abatement rating, but no-nonsense intangibility did its best to pick up the slack. Then we went and bought diamonds!!!!

07/07/07Super Breakfast (Ham)$4.356.92 Mustaches
Swish: burstage abatement (9); temperature (8)
Shrug: size (7); tortilla (7); eggs (7); beans (7); rice (7); sauciness (7); spiciness (7); meat (6); vegetables (6); ingredient mix (6)
Clang: cheese (5)
Intangibility bonus: 1 (of 2)

Whole lotta shruggin’ going on. Construction here was impervious to idiocy, and burritowide temperatures maintained credible levels of heat. Other than that, it was a cavalcade of six- and seven-mustache ratings on our first visit to Dos Amigos’ new South of Market incarnation. This morning slab was foolishly padded out with rice – we love the grainy carbs, but we don’t necessarily need them with eggs in the A.M. – and while nothing here was truly ghastly, no ingredients merited any sort of superlative reactions from our frowny-faced judges panel, either. The adequate, nothing-special tortilla? Ungrilled: shrug. The really, really pale refried beans that looked like they should have been draped over some biscuits at a roadhouse outside Macon? Tasty somewhat, but: shrug, and shrug again. Ham was too thinly sliced and not quite plentiful enough to make a dent in our collective mustachioed psyche, while the inoffensive scrambled eggs were just happy to be asked to the dance by the wispy pork. Meanwhile, polite spice maintained the unassertive mood of the piece throughout. As for ingredient dispersal, there was a rice side, there was a egg/ham side, and then there were the veggies and the beans acting as DMZ. Our panel’s shoulders were so weary from all the shrugging this burrito elicited, they required a 90-minute massage.