2006 SLAB SCRUM
Final Results
Truth is, once Gordo nailed the 8.75-mustache dismount off our pommel horse of burrito criticism in the Scrum finals, we were hoping Papalote would equal the score and force return-visit tiebreakers to both taquerias. But in Slab Scrums and in life, sometimes we don't always get the return-visit tiebreakers we hope for.
To summarize: It was a fine, fine tournament. Hats off to Gordo Taq. - Scrum champ and recipient of our coveted Great Mustache accolade. Well done.
1. Gordo Taq.: 8.75 mustaches
Early October foresight: Will wear the Great Mustache if they're able to counteract the creeping suspicion infiltrating our panel that Gordo is not among the civic elite.
Mid-November hindsight: Who knew? Who knew?!
2. Papalote: 8.58 mustaches
Early October foresight: It's Papalote's Scrum to lose, we reckon.
Mid-November hindsight: The 2004 kingpin settles for runner-up this time with grace and aplomb.
3. Taq. El Castillito
Early October foresight: This Castillito location needs to produce one or more nine-mustache whambammers.
Mid-November hindsight: Wham? Check. Bam? Sure. Multiple nine-mustache efforts? No thank you, ma'am.
4. Loco Taco Taq.
Early October foresight: Loco Taco Taq.'s OMRs must exceed those of other Scrum participants. If this occurs, their chances of winning the Scrum will be highly favorable. Back to you at the studio, Jim.
Mid-November hindsight: Well, that didn't happen. Result: Copper medal.
5. Taq. San Francisco
Early October foresight: There is faith to be kept, and we are keeping it. Conditionally, of course.
Mid-November hindsight: Considering Taq. San Francisco's rough year at our mustache polls, this fifth place finish is no slouch.
6. El Burrito Express
Early October foresight: Good, mustachioed things are in store if they follow Papalote's lead from the 2004 Playoffs and play it smart and sneaky.
Mid-November hindsight: Originally the Scrum's third seed, the Burrito Train had its underdog thunder heisted by Gordo.
7. La Castro Taq.
Early October foresight: Their reign of nine-mustache terror must continue.
Mid-November hindsight: Halt! Nine-mustache terror! Halt there!
8. Tacos El Tonayense
Early October foresight: Can an anti-refried slabwagon wheel the Great Mustache all the way home? Who's to say it cannot?
Mid-November hindsight: This storied slabwagon's performance did nothing to assuage the trepidations of the anti-burrito truck contingent. So much for a coming-out party on wheels.
<> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <>
November 10
2006 SLAB SCRUM
Semifinal Results
Our Scrum field's been whittled in half - again! How does this keep happening?
The epic final of the 2006 Slab Scrum is set: Papalote vs. Gordo Taq. Papalote's berth was expected by most Burritoeater insiders, while Gordo's run of success this postseason has fully exorcised any lingering doubts held over from its doghouse era a few years back.
1. Gordo Taq.: 8.83 mustaches (clinches berth in Scrum final)
We're a long ways from that winter day in 2004 when Gordo brass, just before climbing aboard that helicopter, announced, "You won't have Gordo to kick around anymore." The Inner Sunset taqueria's resurrection has been nothing short of inspirational.
2. Papalote: 8.42 mustaches (clinches berth in Scrum final)
An 8.42-mustache burrito, generally regarded as a triumph at most every other taqueria in town, constitutes a slab-slump in the Papalote kitchen. Time to kick it up a notch.
3. Taq. El Castillito: 8.25 mustaches
The Scrum semifinals are no time for iffy ingredient mixes and drippy burstage concerns. An odds-on Scrum favorite bows out prematurely.
4. Loco Taco Taq.: 7.67 mustaches
The Crazy Taco's title hopes were effectively quashed once their kitchen busted out the jumbo-sized salsa ladle on our semifinal visit.
The top two OMRs (Overall Mustache Ratings) advance to the finals. Semifinal ratings do not carry over to the finals.
<> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <>
October 29
2006 SLAB SCRUM
Quarterfinal Results
Our cracked team of database engineers spent hours upon hours inputting data from the Scrum's eight quarterfinal visits into Burritoeater.com's hippopotamus-sized supercomputer. (Realistically, this task should have only taken about one man-hour, but recurring CAPS LOCK issues made for plenty of costly overtime on these boneheads' next paychecks.) All data entry miscues aside, please see below for conveniently condensed results from the Scrum quarterfinals.
In summary: Papalote, Taq. El Castillito, Gordo Taq., and Loco Taco Taq. advance to the semifinals, while Taq. San Francisco, El Burrito Express, La Castro Taq., and Tacos El Tonayense limp off the pitch with commemorative certificates of Slab Scrum participation.
1. Papalote: 8.92 mustaches (clinches semifinal berth)
Judging from this dominant quarterfinal performance, the path to the Great Mustache appears to be routed straight through Papalote's kitchen.
2. Taq. El Castillito: 8.83 mustaches (clinches semifinal berth)
All the usual Castillito suspects - a ruthlessly grilled tortilla, a bunch of perfect pastor, a slew of melted cheese - led this galloping stampede.
3. Gordo Taq.: 8.75 mustaches (clinches semifinal berth)
Undercut solely by flawed design, this effort suffered no other notable flubs. Delicious, wickedly spicy, and the portrait of seamless ingredient integration.
3. Loco Taco Taq.: 8.75 mustaches (clinches semifinal berth)
It's unlikely this postseason newcomer will beat itself with a disappointing OMR. Consistency is a continuing hallmark of Loco Taco's fine burritowork.
5. Taq. San Francisco: 8.58 mustaches
Although a Scrum semifinal berth won't be in the works, Taq. San Francisco recaptured some old mustache glory that had been on leave in recent times.
6. El Burrito Express: 8.50 mustaches
When a burrito this marvelous garners sixth place, it's clear we've got a mighty competitive taqueria field on our hands.
7. La Castro Taq.: 8.42 mustaches
The brand new heavy on the San Francisco taqueria scene delivered a great-tasting slab whose ingredients were mixed really quite poorly.
8. Tacos El Tonayense: 7.08 mustaches
The only Scrum participant with a carburator under the hood stands a slender chance of advancing - even more slender than its first round foiled effort, in fact.
The top four OMRs (Overall Mustache Ratings) advance to the semifinals. Quarterfinal ratings do not carry over to the semifinals.
Because at Burritoeater.com, we measure success one mustache at a time.
<> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <>
October 1
2006 SLAB SCRUM PREVIEW
The Road to the Great Mustache
Which San Francisco taqueria is worthy of wearing Burritoeater.com's prestigious Great Mustache? Clearly, this is a riddle only a Slab Scrum can solve.
The tournament's format is simple. Eight ultra-select participants. Three single-elimination rounds. Taqueria visits commence the first week of October. Top four OMRs (Overall Mustache Ratings) earned during the quarterfinal round advance to the semifinal round. Top two OMRs earned during the semifinal round advance to the final round. Top OMR earned during the final round wins the Great Mustache. Tickertape parade ensues.
Our judges panel has burned the noon oil and spared a wide variety of expenses in an effort to whittle the Scrum's field down to eight. Here's a capsulized look at each contender:
Papalote (Mission)
Scrum seed: 1
Pre-Scrum OMR: 8.78
Credentials: Reliably consistent. Unassailably delicious grilled meats and marinated tofu. Possibly the tastiest salsa in captivity. Roof-busting intangibility.
Achilles heel: Burritos tend to err on the small side. Spice comes and goes on occasion.
Will wear the Great Mustache if...: It's Papalote's Scrum to lose, we reckon.
Taq. El Castillito (Castro)
Scrum seed: 2
Pre-Scrum OMR: 8.58
Credentials: No San Francisco taqueria grills a cheese-slathered tortilla with more merciless fervor. Bitchin' al pastor. Liberal avocado usage. Bronze medalist of 2004 competition.
Achilles heel: This Castillito location has yet to produce a nine-mustache whambammer.
Will wear the Great Mustache if...: This Castillito location produces one or more nine-mustache whambammers.
El Burrito Express (Western Addition)
Scrum seed: 3
Pre-Scrum OMR: 8.63
Credentials: Our first visit in March 2005 drew nine mustaches. Marvelous meats and salsas. The Burrito Train wears the underdog sash well.
Achilles heel: Not used to performing in the civic spotlight. Underdogs are like that.
Will wear the Great Mustache if...: They follow Papalote's lead from the 2004 Playoffs and play it smart and sneaky.
La Castro Taq.
Scrum seed: 4
Pre-Scrum OMR: 8.97
Credentials: Menacing rookie slabhouse delivered two championship-caliber burritos within ten days last month. Currently atop our mustache charts.
Achilles heel: They really ought to ditch the outdated ''Taq. El Castillito'' sign hanging over the doorway. Other than that, can't think of anything.
Will wear the Great Mustache if...: Their reign of nine-mustache terror continues.
Loco Taco Taq.
Scrum seed: 5
Pre-Scrum OMR: 8.79
Credentials: We've immensely enjoyed every Crazy Taco burrito, to date. And the beans! Very impressive beanwork at the Crazy Taco.
Achilles heel: How come they don't ignite their rad fireplace more often? Burrito-wise, though, we're drawing a blank.
Will wear the Great Mustache if...: Loco Taco Taq.'s OMRs must exceed those of other Scrum participants. If this occurs, their chances of winning the Scrum will be highly favorable. Back to you in the studio, Jim.
Tacos El Tonayense (Harrison/22nd St.)
Scrum seed: 6
Pre-Scrum OMR: 8.52
Credentials: That sauce - so good, it hurts.
Achilles heel: Sizing can often be unsatisfactory.
Will wear the Great Mustache if...: Can an anti-refried slabwagon wheel the Great Mustache all the way home? Who's to say it cannot?
Gordo Taq. (Inner Sunset)
Scrum seed: 7
Pre-Scrum OMR: 8.24
Credentials: Terrific work with the pork products. Sucker-punching salsa verde. And after all these years, finally, a tray of refried beans behind the counter. Gordo's stint in the Burritoeater doghouse is a distant memory.
Achilles heel: If you do not request a grilled tortilla here, you will not receive a grilled tortilla here.
Will wear the Great Mustache if...: They're able to counteract the creeping suspicion infiltrating our panel that Gordo is not among the civic elite.
Taq. San Francisco
Scrum seed: 8
Pre-Scrum OMR: 8.54
Credentials: Our favorite slabjoint in town seemingly had the 2004 tourney in the sack, but somehow bolloxed it up on the final night. That's not really a credential, is it?
Achilles heel: Recent efforts here have mysteriously had all the girth sucked right out of them. There's also that whole history of maddening inconsistency.
Will wear the Great Mustache if...: There is faith to be kept, and we are keeping it. Conditionally, of course.
<> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <>
September 9
2006 SLAB SCRUM ADVANCE HYPE
Everyone high atop Burritoeater Towers is excited -- in that jumpy, corporate kind of way -- about our upcoming invitational tournament, only the second of its kind. The results of our first, the well-documented 2004 event (see below), have grown a bit long in the tooth, so we thought it was high time we cranked up the postseason hype machine and toyed with the oddsmakers all over again. Witness: the 2006 Slab Scrum.
We'll be releasing further details (a full list of participants, tournament schedule and format, total cash purse*) towards the end of September, with an eye on the whole shebang getting underway by early October. Check this page for regular updates.
In the meantime, have another delicious horchata.
* Indicates absolute fabrication
Previous Tournaments
