Swish: temperature (10); ingredient mix (9); burstage abatement (9); tortilla (8); rice (8); cheese (8)
Shrug: meat (7); beans (7); sauciness (7); size (6); spiciness (6)
Clang: vegetables (5)
Intangibility bonus: 1 (of 2)

As much as we’d like to say this smoking-hot burrito tried real hard, we’re not sure if that’s necessarily true — intangible allure was sorely lacking, and the whole affair seemed to add up to less than the intended sum of its parts. We’ll attribute some of this letdown to the surprisingly punch-deficient chicken, which despite sharp grilling and thorough sauciness couldn’t muster the flavor charge it promised. We were also disappointed the burrito — girthy enough, but on the short side — couldn’t stick around for at least a few more bites. While we’re in complaint mode here, how come the onion and too-finely diced green bell pepper couldn’t find more ways to contribute beyond five-mustache drabness? Sure, the rice was in balance and knew its place in the grand scheme here, but the merely ordinary black beans should have risen above the cheese-dominated fray. Yes, we specially requested cheese on this usually cheese-free menu item, and were rewarded with more than we knew what to do with — it’s rare when a burrito outcheeses itself, but that’s what happened here. Oh, wait, looks like we see a hand up in the audience. Sir? Hey, how about some nice things to say, you grumps?! Um, OK, so the only construction faults were the occasional drips brought on by the overly subtle Cajun sauce (sorry, more grumpiness). But sincere hats off to the exhilarating (!) ingredient mix, which improved dramatically a couple bites in. Now get that loudmouth nut out of our studio.

Swish: spiciness (10); ingredient mix (10); cheese (9); sauciness (9); temperature (9); size (8); rice (8); beans (8); burstage abatement (8)
Shrug: tortilla (7); vegetables (7); meat (6)
Clang: no elements clanged
Intangibility bonus: 2 (of 2)

Hella chubby and infernally spiced, this Metreon marvel fared a hell of a lot better than we expected, given how Luna Azul had performed so unimpressively on its last trip through the mustache mill. Between the gregarious, melted jack/cheddar blend and astonishingly ace fusion of ingredients, there was a lot to take in here, and we haven’t even gotten to the alluring tanginess of the barbecue sauce yet. The foundational elements – rice and beans, refried beans and Spanish rice – laid the healthy groundwork for plenty of swish-level element ratings, but even they couldn’t raise the far too diced chicken’s level of relevance. Persistent softness and a slightly messy conclusion may have brought the burstage abatement score down a bit, and the pico de gallo certainly got lost amidst the swarm of jalapeño slices. But this was still a fireplug-shaped return to glory.

Given all the monochromatic sevens and eights its various elements garnered, you’d think this mini-fireplug wouldn’t have been so difficult to figure. Its lone nine–mustache rating (earned for superb burstage abatement) failed to counteract the pair of sixes it deserved for stubby length and temperature dips, the latter of which sullied its hind end and ensured a merely adequate level of intangible appreciation. We enjoyed the lightly grilled tortilla, plump grains of pale rice, well-pasted (if slightly dominant) refried pinto beans, ever-looming spice, and tomato-pelted, glurg-a-licious guacamole, while the burrito’s meaty centerpiece – braised, super-seasoned pork – boasted powerful flavor in all its tender, pull-apart splendor. However, we expected more from the melted-here/unmelted-there pods of grated jack cheese, the just-off salsa roja, and most importantly, the lazy ingredient mix which yielded two distinct carnitas population centers, as well as some segregated pico de gallo that promoted the aforementioned hind end chilliness. Our notes were a contorted jumble by this burrito’s final bow, but although Luna Azul’s foil-wrapped lunch clearly didn’t hit its intended eight-mustache target, we were pretty sure there were things to like about it, despite its sundry shortcomings.

Delectable sauciness worthy of perhaps 11 mustaches was the star of the show here, while 100% occurrence of hot bites, nicely gooey melted cheese, tasty and healthy-sized rice grains, just-short-of-perfect steak, stellar construction, and gun-toting spice each proudly flew the nine-mustache (or better) flag. So this was no one-time fluke. However – you knew it was coming – the primary reasons for Luna Azul's ratings downturn were its completely ordinary, ungrilled tortilla and, most frustratingly of all, its short and somewhat thin stature. These kind of maladies are easily curable, you know.

Shocker in Sonytown! Neither this burrito’s tall price, short length, nor run-of-the-grill tortilla could undercut what turned out to be the 2003 taqueria tour's greatest sucker-punch. They nailed the burrito fundamentals (hot bites all around, refried beans, fine rice) and pulled it off with a certain élan – specifically, the delicious miasma of guacamole, sour cream, melted cheese, and salsa. And who knew a burrito at FutureMall could mete out spice like this? We couldn't believe it, either.