Swish: tortilla (10); temperature (10); beans (9); spiciness (9); ingredient mix (9); burstage abatement (9); meat (8); rice (8); sauciness (8)
Shrug: size (7); cheese (7); vegetables (7)
Clang: no elements clanged
Intangibility bonus: 2 (of 2)

With booming spice, a tortilla so grilled that it was crispy in certain glorious spots, and an ingredient mix that wouldn’t quit, El Faro’s super ground beef burrito pretty much called all its own shots from the first bite onward. The ground beef wasn’t as spectacular as what we’ve enjoyed at nearby Caramba, but it nonetheless qualified for eight-mustache approval, as did its equally fine Spanish rice. We’re not sure where the guacamole disappeared to in our lunch — El Faro’s slender-bodied guac has never been on our short list of the finest things in life — but the full-on bitchin refried beans picked up the goopy slack. The Jack/cheddar blend could have been a little better melted...but it also could have been a hell of a lot worse melted, so we weren’t grieving. Larger-than-life jalapeño activity gave our panel a fun jolt here and there, and the only harm the few drips caused was a one-mustache demerit when our judges convened to pow-wow over the burstage abatement rating. If we could pick three hyphenated words to describe this intangibly rich burrito’s ingredient mix, they would be “of-a-piece.” Well, there you have it. Quality all around.

Swish: temperature (10); cheese (9); burstage abatement (9); tortilla (8); meat (8); rice (8); beans (8); ingredient mix (8)
Shrug: size (7); vegetables (7); sauciness (7); spiciness (6)
Clang: no elements clanged
Intangibility bonus: 2 (of 2)

Those who pay close attention to their burrito during construction phase at this El Faro will likely reap the benefits of overseeing a custom-built slab. We sure did. We requested a grilled tortilla, and got it. We warned off lettuce, and didn’t get it. We asked for chooglin’ spice, and sort of got it. And fortunately, we pointed/grunted at the carnitas behind the counter, which despite its overly soft texture, had the surprising taste of a winning meat. Sizing was a wee bit compromised all around, barely noticeable to the untrained eye/belly. The all-melted jack/cheddar blend brought a deft touch, and helped distract us from El Faro’s continually disappointing, too-smooth “guacamole.” Sauciness was a major factor, and if not for that one required slurp around bite number 10 or 11, eight mustaches would have been a foregone conclusion. The brown rice and refried beans were justly graceful in their supporting roles, and the grilled tortilla, though not quite flaky, worked out pretty alright. We appreciated the suave ingredient mix, the clean sweep of hot bites, and the high marks for intangible credibility, but not the gentlemanly “street retailer” plucked straight off the set of Trouble Man who offered us a Rolex knock-off at one point.

It’s an all-or-nothing scenario when ordering El Faro’s super-floppy super breakfast burrito, which they’ll try to offer you unwrapped and doused in sauce on a Styrofoam plate. Either you just get it without meat, or it comes with a cavalcade of pork products that’ll probably be buried beneath a salvo of mighty beans and plenty of perfectly cooked eggs. What we found inside our slab’s tortilla (which, incidentally, required a good grilling it didn’t receive): approximately 80 acre-feet of spicy, but overly thin sauce that probably prompted some inquisitive looks when our incessant slurping reached a crescendo; a fair amount of extra-melted cheese on the tortilla interior; a few good-sized slices of jalapeño; a near-phenomenal little omelette, hampered only by some overly under-the-radar ham, chorizo, and bacon; and most egregiously, not one cottonpickin' vegetable. There was too much unused space inside this tortilla, and unbelievably, it was actually too temperature-hot at times. Zero vegetables? Come ahhhhn.