Gads, what a comedown. Whereas we offered easy forgiveness for our sub-sized Café Venue mini-slab in 2005, there were far too many elements gone awry to turn the other cheek this time around. Other than bullet-proof construction, nothing here had enough steam behind it to rate any higher than seven mustaches. The dry and unadorned chicken (a curious morning meat to begin with) and off-putting cool spots each earned six hairy ones, while the three-part ingredient mix – chiefly, potatoes/eggs/chicken – and the unspectacular, jar-reminiscent “house salsa” couldn’t bring home anything more than five mustaches. Cheese was an extra-special disappointment, as Café Venue’s block-cut mozzarella/swiss/jack combo clanged hard (three ‘staches) due to its unmelted state. The tastiest moments came courtesy of the nicely seasoned and chunky new potatoes, and the scrambled eggs were fine, if under-represented. But that was it for the happy stuff. Spice was barely detectable, and intangible credibility was a non-starter from the top. This opener in Café Venue’s twin-bill lagged, and it lagged hard.

It was made at the same time, and by the same person, as its chicken-inclusive twin (profiled above), so isn’t it interesting how this tiny burrito fared nearly a full mustache better? Despite how it clung to the tortilla’s edge, the thin-sliced ham was a respectable centerpiece - if only in name - and a greater infusion of scrambled eggs made this one feel more fully realized than its counterpart. In fact, everything seemed a bit more ramped-up here, from the peppery spice and melted cheese to the improved ingredient mix and hot-bite sweep. Vegetable content consisted solely of seasoned new potatoes, but at least they were on the money. Infallible burstage abatement underscored a better-looking overall report card, even if most higher education taquerias won’t accept a 6.45-mustache GPA from an 11-bite breakfast burrito.

How comically wee was this otherwise excellent morning mini-slab? Gone-in-11-bites wee. Since no beans of any sort were available, this little fella’s rating was based on only 11 categories, and its humble all-around dimensions were its sole downfall. Most impressive was the inclusion of jalapeño, which put the boot squarely in our spice-grill. Digging a bit deeper, the eggs were exceptional, the potatoes played a pivotal, delicious role, and the melted cheese was downright perfect. And despite it being ever so slightly juicy, exactly zero drips occurred. Clearly, every ingredient onboard was on-point. We’ll order two next time.