the Intestinal Apocalypse Monthly Apparel Bazaar

Tonayense Taq. BayshoreOMR: 6.75
2560 Marin
cross street: Bayshore
ph. 415/559-0404
Map Visits: 1
It's a rare treat when you can relax with a delicious burrito while a cleaning crew works over your Hummer or tricked-out SUV. But dreams like this come true six days a week at this Tonayense location adjacent to Showplace Square Car Wash...although the hidden price is that your burrito might really suck. For what it’s worth, no taqueria in town forges a woozier union of grilled meats and tortillas, car-vacs, massive bass thump, and thick-necked men decked out in camo fatigues and team jerseys. (Save the super sudsy asada jokes — they've already been made.) Counter seating is available, although if you want to avoid potential splashings of wayward carnauba wax, head to the dining room off the kitchen (it's still open-air, however). Cash only. Closed evenings and Sundays.

Will My Health Be Violated?

05/07/11Super al Pastor$6.756.75 Mustaches
Swish: burstage abatement (9); size (8); tortilla (8); rice (8); beans (8); spiciness (8)
Shrug: temperature (7); vegetables (6); ingredient mix (6)
Clang: meat (5); cheese (5); sauciness (2)
Intangibility bonus: 1 (of 2)

When we ordered the “el pastor” burrito on Tonayense’s fine shammy-splashed menu, we didn’t realize that the botched phrase really means “massive amounts of jalapeño.” Our spice-proof panel’s got no truck against a few jalapeño slices in a slab, but when they stage a semi-violent coup, as they did here, there’s bound to be trouble. Far more egregious, however, was Tonayense’s truly foul mayo verde sauce (our name, not theirs — although they can patent it for all we care), which scuzzed every bite in which it was sadly involved, from the first one down. As for this failed lunch’s other-clang level elements, a couple pods of unmelted cheese brought the room down, while the only memorable thing about the pork was the sizable bone chip we unearthed — the hard way, ow — about a half-dozen bites in. That one major cilantro patch didn’t help the ingredient mix’s rating, either, and we sure didn’t appreciate those lukecold bites down around the hind end. As for what went right, construction was mostly infallible, while the pinto beans and rice (both on the pale side) turned out to be terrific support acts to the innumerable jalapeño slices and unmelted cheese grates. Hrumph.