Swish: burstage abatement (9); size (8); tortilla (8); sauciness (8)
Shrug: meat (7); beans (7); vegetables (7); spiciness (7); ingredient mix (6); temperature (6)
Clang: rice (5); cheese (4)
Intangibility bonus: 1 (of 2)

This lengthy, foiled torpedo’s finest moments came courtesy of its meat-and-refried-bean bites. Elsewhere, glory was conspicuously absent, and we’ll point the finger of blame straight at that creepy flavor-removal machine in the back corner of El Buen Sabor’s kitchen. The last time we had Spanish rice this bland...well, come to think of it, we’ve rarely had Spanish rice this bland. A lack of flavorful punch was, sadly, a recurring theme here, as the nicely grilled chicken could have used some additional seasoning. Bigger gripes centered around all the unmelted grates of jack cheese, the suspiciously creamy “guacamole,” and because we get a kick out of harping on the obvious, all that damned rice. The rice also hogged way too much space within the politely grilled tortilla, resulting in a compromised ingredient mix that could have been worse, were it not for some smartly distributed vegetables. A perfect burstage abatement rating was averted late, due to an unattractive guaca-cream bleed that forced us to reach for an extra napkin or two, and hey look, a duck!

We steered clear of El Buen Sabor’s super burrito – an uncharacteristic move, but what was the point since it included our two main ingredient no-nos (sour cream and lettuce)? So wasn’t it a smashing bit of irony that the slab we did receive in our basket was fouled by a number of cold – not unhot, not warm, cold - bites. The jalapeño tasted as if it had been on ice, and the strictly half-and-half ingredient mix only made us dread biting into the chilly side of this slab that much more. By this point, you’ve probably deduced the ghastly state of this burrito’s cheese situation...but if you need a hint, think lamely unmelted and take it from there. The overly diced, marinated pork remained faceless from top to bottom. Spice ebbed and flowed, while the somewhat thin guac and other vegetables were acceptably good, considering the flurry of tragedies elsewhere inside the unflashy, steamed tortilla. All that, and the thing was stubby. Holy smokes. If this is El Buen Sabor’s idea of special, their regular burrito must be a real treat.

Sole nitpicks were an overabundance of red rice and a few drippy drabs at the hind end. Solid eating in every respect otherwise. Eight mustaches of good taste.