Swish: temperature (9); burstage abatement (9); rice (8); beans (8)
Shrug: size (7); tortilla (7); meat (7); cheese (6); spiciness (6)
Clang: sauciness (5); ingredient mix (5); vegetables (4)
Intangibility bonus: 0 (of 2)

On one hand, this burrito was so much worse across the board than what we had here in June 2007. Problem was, our other hand this time was, figuratively speaking, just as covered in Tonayense’s infamous mayo verde as it was two-plus years back, and that’s a complete disaster anytime. Forgive the self-referentiality, but what we wrote in ’07 clangs just as true in ’09: Pale green, and sporting a strangely thick consistency, we likened the liquicreamy embellishment to a third-rate Indian yogurt someone had left on the counter a few hours too long. Crikey, what is this awful bilge here these days? If anything, it was even creepier this time — like a cilantro-"infused" ranch dressing or something similarly unappealing. Whereas our ’07 burrito here managed to sidestep desultory overall results, this one couldn’t escape its own mire — the ungrilled, blah tortilla (complete with ingrown folds), TV dinner-like ingredient mix, bi-polar cheese disorder, and depressing dearth of veggies sealed its inglorious fate. Tonayense’s steak was a little gamey and greasy, but otherwise OK — just OK, though. The brown rice and refried beans may have been fine, and we had little to grouse about re: temperature and construction. Still, it’s zero-mustache intangibility experiences like this that incite nightmares. What in the hell has happened to Tonayense?

Swish: tortilla (10); temperature (10); size (9); spiciness (9); burstage abatement (9); meat (8); vegetables (8)
Shrug: beans (7); rice (6); cheese (6); ingredient mix (6)
Clang: sauciness (2)
Intangibility bonus: 1 (of 2)

Let’s give credit where credit’s due here – and there’s plenty to go around, for sure. Tonayense’s tortilla-grilling acumen has never come into question over the years, and we’re not about to start now, after this latest ten-mustache flakefest. And between the unbroken string of hot bites, as well as this foiled zeppelin’s champion-level construction and consistently furious spice, things were certainly looking up at our corner booth at 24th and Shotwell. But it became increasingly apparent during this slab’s extended, 20-bite stay in the red plastic basket on our table that its sauciness score wasn’t going to escape a severe mustachioed hit. Pale green, and sporting a strangely thick consistency, we likened the liquicreamy embellishment to a third-rate Indian yogurt someone had left on the counter a few hours too long. And with every bite on which it jacked in, we had no choice but to acknowledge the obvious: The stuff sucked a lot, and it just got worse the further down we drilled. Elsewhere, the lightly applied cheese did what it could to contribute, while the mix kept the off-tasting mini-grain rice and serviceable refrieds at bay. We enjoyed the flavorful and peppery grilled chicken, and Tonayense’s strong emphasis on chopped onion is always a refreshing approach. But next time? No hapless mayo verde for us.

Onetime playoff contender and formerly reliable burrito purveyor Tonayense Taq. came up comparatively lame this time around, and wasn’t it a sad thing to witness. Blame the pockets of half-melted cheese (despite mostly hot temperatures throughout), some seriously suspect guacamole, and an ingredient mix that, taken at cross-sectional view, resembled a compartmentalized TV dinner tray. Not even Tonayense’s typically ace tortilla could combat the unfortunate action lurking inside its tastily grilled sheath. Modest-sized chunks of well-sauced pork had a smoky aroma, but the sauce itself was tough to gauge – it was likely the source of some of this burrito’s off-kilter taste. At least they added just the right amount of jalapeño – it added spice and accentuated the slab, without dominating every bite. But taken as a whole, everything here tasted a bit too yesterday. And when we heard someone behind the counter greet a customer with a hearty “buon giorno” late in our visit, it indicated a true low for this erstwhile heavy-hitting taqueria.

It’s safe to say we were mildly aghast at the comparatively lowly results from this local titan. Granted, nothing was glaringly wrong with Tonayense’s work – no terminal cleaves or cold bites reared their ugly faces – but a complete dearth of perfect individual ratings spoke volumes about this fearsome contender’s awkward timing in the playoffs’ first round. Excitement was sparked early by the burrito’s typically outsized dimensions and fine steak, but when perpetual bits of grease began crippling the sauce, and as the ingredient mix proved itself to be maddeningly inconsistent, it was clear that the vultures were on their way in from Fremont to roost. An eight-mustache rating is certainly nothing to croak at, but from a taqueria capable of so much more, it almost kind of hurt our feelings.

With its benevolent dimensions, brilliant ingredient mix, savory steak, and flawlessly saucy flavor, here was a title contender for the ages. Few taquerias have the capability to match this hulking burrito’s flavor ensemble ingredient for ingredient, and therein lay its power, its mystery, and the hammer of the gods.