Swish: spiciness (10); rice (9); burstage abatement (9); vegetables (8); sauciness (8)
Shrug: size (7); tortilla (7); meat (7); temperature (7); ingredient mix (6)
Clang: cheese (5); beans (0)
Intangibility bonus: 1 (of 2)

We’ve come under fire in the past for saying nice things about La Salsa at times — usually it’s about the Financial District shop — but after an experience like this, we see the critics’ points more and more. What was with the paper wrap inside the foil wrap? Or the complete absence of the pinto beans we asked for? Why the juiceless chicken and temperature iniquities? Who’s idea was it to sequester the guac like that? OK, now for some good news: Spice was major big-time, thanks to...us. Because at La Salsa, when you ask for an extra spicy burrito, you get pointed to the salsa bar, then you hand over your self-filled 1.5-ounce containers to Mr. Slabmaker Fella behind the counter. Not a bad deal. Top-grade rice this time around — plump, moist, flavorful grains. But while the chicken was thoroughly grilled and slapped with plenty of seasoning, it remained alarmingly dry throughout, and that didn’t do right by our panel. We weren’t so into the eleventh-hour rice dump at the hind end, either — other than that, nicely built slab. And the grates of Jack cheese contributed way too subtly. Moral: When rice is the star ingredient, you can be pretty sure you don’t have a nine-mustache hall-of-famer in your midst.

Swish: spiciness (10); tortilla (9); temperature (9); burstage abatement (9); meat (8)
Shrug: size (7); beans (7); cheese (7); sauciness (7); rice (6); vegetables (6); ingredient mix (6)
Clang: no elements clanged
Intangibility bonus: 1 (of 2)

And on our second trip to La Salsa at the Wharf, we were served the portrait of adequacy. Sure, the nationwide taqueria chain always impresses our hard-baked panel of judges with flaky and near-crispy tortillawork, and with some of the most incendiary salsa this side of Taq. Guadalajara, you can’t say the place doesn’t live up to its name. Meanwhile, this slab’s excellent steak – surprisingly juicy, considering its high level of charredness – was undercut only by the less than generous amount included. But other than the high-quality temperature and burstage abatement, nothing else here wowed us significantly. The iffy mix cordoned off various ingredients from one another, and unless you’ve ordered yourself an oil-and-water burrito, this qualifies as an invariable bummer. The pinto beans and pale brown rice may have been equally unspectacular...but we’ve endured way more troublesome slabular foundations over the years. A mostly jack (with hints of cheddar) cheese slick was nicely melted, but kept to itself far too much, while the burrito’s slightly wanting dimensions only made us pine for La Salsa’s sorrily departed El Champion whambammer. We enjoyed the guacamole, and took little issue with the pico de gallo (other than its minor drippiness), but, oops: lettuce. Our bad. We should have specified otherwise.

Although championship-caliber elements such as jalapeño-intensive spiciness, foolproof construction technique, delectably grilled and lime-hinted chicken, and daunting length make La Salsa’s El Champion an immovable force on the local burrito scene, we found enough wrong with it to harmlessly shrug our shoulders with a straight face. Most notably, the double wrap was a bit of a bust given the semi-rigor mortis texture of each tortilla (beware of sharp edges), and the low-profile cheese should have made a bigger impact; less serious issues included a minor overabundance of rice and a consistently inconsistent ingredient mix. While it wasn’t a dry burrito in the strictest sense, it certainly could have done with a more even smattering of sauciness. And you’d think a place called La Salsa would prioritize tomato flavor, but no dice on this visit – fortunately, the other vegetables on hand (cilantro, chopped onion, guacamole, and the ever-present jalapeño bits) compensated smartly. 26 bites that ranged from mighty fine to merely adequate to oh-can’t-you-just-get-it-together...but to its credit, mostly the first two categories.