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Intestinal Apocalypse Weekly, December 8, 2003back to archive
Goals are good, in life and in soccer. Some things are worth working for. One is a good record collection. Another is intestinal fortitude forged in the face of 200-300 lbs. of burritos ingested in a given year. That year has been 2003.

A list of San Francisco taquerias was conceived early this year. It took shape and evolved on a regular basis. Additions were made as they were discovered in some downtown food court, on some Mission backstreet, or on San Bruno Ave. out in Portola, while places were eliminated if orders were taken at the table rather than the counter. To-go-only spots made the cut. The list totalled 101 establishments by the time a reasonable amount of research was completed.

And at every single one of these taquerias, we enjoyed (or attempted to, anyway) a super carne asada burrito. Or if they had some sort of tricky menu, we ordered whatever most closely resembled one (e.g. Baja Fresh's "Burrito Mexicano," Taq. Girasol's "La Paz").

And as we ate, we considered all elements of the burrito in hand. We finished every burrito completely. We gained weight, perhaps. And on stone tablets made of paper, we scrawled notes and, ultimately, overall ratings for each burrito based on our moderately innovative Five-Mustache Scale.

Now that all 101 SF taquerias have been visited, it's nearly time to share our wealth of information, as well as gear up for our playoffs in early 2004. While America yawns its way through the NFL postseason, we'll be out re-visiting the top taquerias in town the first few months of the new year in an effort to settle the age-old issue: Who's got the finest carne asada burrito in San Francisco? And who's got the sixth-best? Tenth?

But first, we're devoting the remainder of 2003 to re-visiting a few burrito counters here and there that, for one reason or another*, weren't given the fair shake they deserved the first time around. Here's this week's probable schedule:

M 12/8 (tonight): Taq. San Jose, Mission near 24th St.
W 12/10: Dos Pinas, Rhode Island near 16th St.
F 12/12: La Altena, Mission near 22nd St.
Su 12/14: La Taqueria, Mission near 25th St.

Schedule and ratings updates will go out when the opportunity arises (probably weekly), as will a complete rundown of 2003 results in early January. Stay informed as we maneuver our forklift of thoughtful analysis through this warehouse of foil-wrapped lunch logs known as San Francisco.

(Lastly, if you think burritos are for nitwits and/or you don't wish to receive these e-mails in the future, well, don't point -- speak! Please let us know. And feel free to forward these out as liberally as you see fit.)

yours, in lard,

* Reasons include, but are not limited to:
- burrito was eaten in bed
- burrito was eaten while dodging idiocy on a sidewalk
- burrito was eaten with Jon Pruett
- temporary loss of sobriety
- overabundance of stupidity
- we didn't know what the hell we were talking about
- burrito ordering issues
- burrito was the second in as many days (violation of basic project guidelines)